Ananda Sambada

Lila Avatar prabhu remembers the Disappearance Pastimes of Our Beloved Srila Gurudeva

In Bhubaneswar, before Srila Gurudev's departure, I asked him if I could go to Mayapur. Srila Gurudev's response was, "Yes, there’s so much for you to do there".

A few days later, Acarya Ratna came and sat beside me, and said “I just asked Srila Gurudeva if I could go to Mayapur, and Srila Gurudeva told me there is nothing for me there. “Why you go to Mayapur?””

I told him “That's strange, as I asked Srila Gurudev a couple days ago if I could go, and he told me many things are for me to do, there.”

A few days later, I was in my room on the third floor of the brahmachary ashram, and I heard on the other side of the plywood wall about 10 of our God Brothers discussing how to protect Srila Gurudeva in Mayapur. After some time, I got up from my bed and I went and knocked on their door, opened it and called out “Hare Krishna”. They all went quiet and I said, “do any of you think that Srila Gurudeva is any less than Prahalad Maharaja? He has Krishna in his heart. He came here to protect us. What is this thing you think you can protect him? He came here to free us, don't you all know that?”

Then I left the room went back to where my room was at the time, just next door. They continued to discuss how they will protect Srila Gurudeva.

A couple of days later, Acarya Ratna came to me and said he was going to Mayapur. I asked why are you going? You told me just a few days back that you asked Srila Gurudeva and he said there is  nothing for you there. He then spoke to me that “Madhavananda asked Srila Gurudeva about his  having a bodyguard. Śrīla Gurudeva agreed to their proposal, so Madavananda asked me to be Srila Gurudev's bodyguard”. So, it was decided that he would go now to Mayapur to protect Srila Gurudeva.

Upon arrival in Mayapur I would go to Srila Gurudev's room and sit outside chanting. The day before Srila Gurudeva left our mortal vision, there was again a discussion in front of Srila Gurudev's room between the same godbrothers in Bhubaneswar, about protecting Srila Gurudeva. Again, I voiced my opinion, from a distance. They were in front of His Divine Grace's room, and I was sitting in the corner of the building. They were again not pleased with my voicing my thoughts.

After their meeting they a walked passed me, and with respect we said ‘Hare Krishna’ to one another. The last person to walk by was Acarya Ratna. He stopped and told me that the group wanted someone to help him, so he was asking me to do so. I asked him, “What do you want from me? I can-not protect Srila Gurudeva, as he is already protected by Sri Krishna”.

He then said, “You just have to stand at the door”, to which my response was, "You want me to be like Jaya and Vijaya? They were at the gates of spiritual kingdom, because inside that door is Vrindaban. Srila Gurudeva has Krishna in his heart, so it's Vrindaban”.

I responded with a resounding “Yes, I can watch the doors and not allow entrance to who is not permitted, and allow who is permitted, to enter.”

Acarya Ratana then asked if I would come around three o'clock and stay till most people go to sleep at about 11p.m. I agreed. He proposed he would come to Srila Gurudev's room about 4 a.m. and stay till I came.

The next day I went to Srila Gurudev's room at 2:15 p.m. Tapan Mishra and Mathuranath we're in the corner of the balcony, chanting. I sat close by, and also was chanting. The thought of Srila Gurudeva could not leave my mind. I know how much I think of Sri Krishna and Srila Gurudeva, but the thought of Srila Gurudeva was flooding my mind. I told the two godbrothers that “I'm going to get Srila Gurudeva from the GBC meeting, and they both chastised me and said, “Don't bother Srila Gurudeva.”

The thought of Srila Gurudeva was still flooding my mind. I was overwhelmed with Srila Gurudev's thought. After about 5 to 10 minutes, I could not wait anymore, and informed them, “I'm going to get Srila Gurudeva”. They both disagreed very strongly. I got up to go up the stairs and at the top of the stairs was Srila Gurudeva standing there, with all people around him. Immediately I paid full prostrated obeisances. I stood up close to the bottom of the stairs, and as Srila Gurudeva was coming down the stairs, I exclaimed to him that I was very sorry for not listening to him. I also said that, “I should have listened to your promptings in my heart to come and get you”. I said this is as tears were rolling down my cheeks.  Śrīla Gurudeva arrived at the bottom of the stairs and I again paid full dandavats, and put my head on Srila Gurudev's feet, and hugged his ankles with my arms. After standing, up I again apologized for not listening to his promptings. He stopped and look at me and said very gravely "tomorrow you bring a book".

I can never correct His Divine Grace, but I wanted to tell him, “This is not my service, it's Acarya Ratna's service,” so I didn't speak anything. Can you imagine, the protector of Srila Gurudeva was nowhere to be seen. I went and stood in front of Srila Gurudev's door to watch who was allowed to enter, or not to enter, as I was instructed. About 30 to 40 minutes later, Acarya Ratna came. I asked “Where were you, the great protector of Srila Gurudeva?”

He told me that he went to eat breakfast and went to his room for a moment and had fallen asleep. Then he woke up in afternoon and came immediately to Srila Gurudev's room.

So, the next day, I arrived before Srila Gurudev's GBC meetings were supposed to start. This is not my assigned time slot, but as Acarya Ratna feel asleep once, it could happen again, I thought.

I arrived about 9:30 a.m. and I was standing there in front of door, because, again, there was no Acarya Ratna. Atmarama came to the door and asked me, “Where is Acarya Ratna?” I said, “I don't know. Maybe he fell asleep.” Atmarama said, “What?” I said, “Yesterday he fell asleep, so today maybe again he fell asleep”. Atmarama said, “Nonsense”, and went inside the room.

After twenty minutes, Atmarama came to the door again and asked for Acarya Ratna. I said, “He has not come yet”. Atmarama then said that I should take Srila Gurudeva to the GBC meeting.

As Srila Gurudeva had instructed me the previous day, I had brought the little Bhagavad Gita. I never mentioned to Srila Gurudeva about having the book, which he had instructed me to bring, as he knows the heart. I walked up the stairswith him, and he spoke to the boys outside the GBC meeting room who were there to make different drinks for the GBC members. Śrīla Gurudeva refused to accept anything from them. We got to the door, and Srila Gurudeva told me to sit here and to read. I took him inside the meeting room, and went back out, sitting next to his lotus shoes, and started reading. After about 45 minutes, the heavy thought of Srila Gurudeva came to my mind. I looked up where Srila Gurudeva was sitting and, with his head and neck, he motioned me to enter. I put the book in my pocket, and quickly entered the room. I got to Srila Gurudeva, and he told me that he was finished with the meeting. Then he whispered that “They are making vote on sannyasi. I’m not needed here.”

So, we helped His Divine Grace up and went to door put on his shoes. The boys again tried to get Srila Gurudeva to accept something to drink, but he refused. We were all alone at the top of the stairs, so I asked Srila Gurudeva "How long will you tolerate these people treating you like this"? Three times I asked, but he gave no answer the first two times. The third time His Divine Grace’s reply was “They are voting on sannyasi. All nonsense is going on, voting on sannyasi. All fools.”

Then I walked Srila Gurudeva down to his room. I sat against the wall and all three Oriya servants of Srila Gurudeva told me to leave. I gave them all the same answer as I whispered in their ear. You can not tell me to go. He is my Guru as much as yours. They all told me to just sit and be quiet.

As I was sitting there, Srila Gurudeva sat in his chair and was chanting. I was glued to looking at His Divine Grace's lotus face, whilst chanting. Then he got up to go to restroom. After returning he started reading a letter. It seems as though he didn't read the whole letter and set it down and started to talk. The language I never heard. Not Oriya or Hindi. Just looking straight ahead and talking, talking, talking. Then he kicked a little waste paper basket and it spun around and around several times before it stopped spinning. Then he opened the curtain very forcefully and continued talking. Shortly after this, he was again reading the letter. After ten minutes, Srila Gurudeva was chanting once more. Then he got up and sat on the corner of his bed. He started to read the letter again, with a very disgusted look on his face.

A knock came at the door. One of the servants answered it and it was a disciple of Srila Prabhupada that I had preached to in Hawaii, who also came to Bhubaneshwar before this trip to Mayapur. He came in with another devotee I didn't know who. They paid pranams then sat across from Srila Gurudeva. Srila Gurudeva asked, “How can I help you?” Murari Caitanya replied, “I just came to see how you are doing.” I in my mind said, “nonsense, fool, rascal coming here to Srimati Rādhārāṇi's representative and asking if he is alright.” Then after five minutes Srila Gurudeva said, “I'm very busy please excuse me,” and they left.

Śrīla Gurudeva got up after 19 minutes, and, as he was walking past me very close, he made a gesture with his arm, while opening his hand, throwing his arm towards me, looking very intently saying,  “Nonsense. Fool. Rascal”, just the very thought I had when his godbrother asked if he was ok.

Then later, Bhakta Rupa came and spoke with Srila Gurudeva about two women who were coming to ask some questions. Srila Gurudeva agreed. So, after some time, Srila Gurudeva, the three Oriya boys, the two matajis, Bhakta Rupa and Rasikananda  were in front of Srila Gurudeva. The matajis  asked Srila Gurudeva why Caitanya Mahaprabhu spent his last 18 years in Jagannath Puri.

Then Srila Gurudeva spoke about Krishna in Dwarka. This story is, of course, very incredible. It was the third time we had heard the story. We heard the same story in 1995, in Towaco, New Jersey, USA. You were there as Srila Gurudev's servant. When Srila Gurudeva got to the point in the story when Balaram and Subhadra have come from Dwarka to Brindavan, they noticed Srimati Rādhārāṇi was in a dying condition. So, Subhadra went to whisper in the ear of Srimati Rādhārāṇi, “Krishna Krishna Krishna Krishna Krishna hey” Then Radharani came out from her bhava, and Srila Gurudeva said, “Immediately she asked, “Where is my prana vallabha?” Krishna arrived on His chariot as Jagannath. Then, Srimati Rādhārāṇi told Lalita to go and whisper in the ear of Jagannath, “Radhey Radhey Radhey Radhey Radhey.” So, Lalita went and whispered in his ear Radharani’s names, and automatically Krishna’s tribhanga form came out, with flute, lotus-like eyes, and bent in three places.

Srimati Rādhārāṇi's eyes meet Krishna's eyes, and there was eye-to-eye union. Srila Gurudeva was sitting on the corner of his bed as he related these pastimes. He was bending forward looking at the two matajis who asked him the question, why had Mahaprabhu spent 18 years in Puri. He leant  backwards with a very long, deep breath, and again forward, and with an almost inaudible voice said three times,

please excuse me I can't speak, please excuse me I can't speak, please excuse me I can't speak.

At that time, Bhakta Rupa and the two matajis were escorted out of the room by Purandara.

Srila Gurudeva was breathing very heavily. We laid him back on the bed and, after three minutes, he sat up very quickly and called out “Gopal! Gopal! Gopal!” At that time, I went to the Temple room to get the garland from Srimati Rādhārāṇi's hand. When I returned, there were many people in the room. Śrīla Gurudeva was laying back, breathing very little. Then the doctors came and after 10 minutes, our beloved Spiritual Master, His Divine Grace Srila Gour Govinda Swami Maharaj, had gone into samadhi.

Second version, from Facebook

In Bhubaneswar before Srila Gurudev's departure I asked Srila Gurudeva if I could go to mayapur Srila Gurudev's response " yes so much for you to do there there". A few days later Acarya Ratana came to me sat beside me and said I just asked Srila Gurudeva if I could go to mayapur and Srila Gurudeva told me there is nothing for me there why you go to mayapur??? I told him that's strange I asked shreela gurudev a couple days ago if I could go and he told me many things are for me there. A few days later I was in my room on the third floor the brahmachary ashram and I heard on the other side of the plywood wall about 10 of our God Brothers discussing how to protect Srila Gurudeva in mayapur. After some time I got up from my bed and I went and knocked on their door and opened it and called out Hare Krishna, they all got quiet and I said do any of you think that Srila Gurudeva is any less than Prahalad Maharaj, he has Krishna in his, he came here to protect us what is this thing you think you can protect him. He came here to free us don't you all know that???.

Then I left the room went back to where my room was at the time just next door. They continued to discuss how they will protect Srila Gurudeva.

  A couple days later Acarya Ratana came to me and said he was going to mayapur. I asked why are you going you told me just a few days back that you asked Srila Gurudeva and he said nothing for you there. He then spoke to me that Madavnanda ask Srila Gurudeva about having a body guard. Śrīla Gurudeva agreed to the proposal so Madavananda asked me to be Srila Gurudev's guard. So it was decided that he would go now to mayapur to protect Srila Gurudeva. Upon arrival in mayapur I would go to Srila Gurudev's room and sit outside chanting. The day before Srila Gurudeva left our mortal vision there was again  a discussion in front of Srila Gurudev's room between the same godbrothers in bhubaneswar about protecting Srila Gurudeva. Again I voiced my option from a distance. They were in front of His Divine Grace's room I was sitting in the corner of the building. They were again not pleased with my voicing my opinion. After there meeting they a walked by me and with respect we said Hare Krishna to one another. The last person to walk by was Acarya Ratana. He stopped and told me that the group wanted someone to help him so he was asking me to do so. I asked what do you want from me. I can not protect Srila Gurudeva he is already protected by Sri Krishna. He then said you just have to stand at the door, my response was " you want me to be like Jai and Vijay they were at the gates of spiritual kingdom, because inside that door is Vrindaban, Srila Gurudeva has Krishna in his heart so it's Vrindaban. I responded with a resounding yes I can watch the doors and not allow who is not permitted or allow who is permitted. Acarya Ratana then asked if I would come around three o'clock and stay till most almost people go to sleep about 11pm I agreed. He proposed he would come to Srila Gurudev's room about 4 am and stay till I came.

  The next day I went to Srila Gurudev's room at 2:15 pm Tapan Mishra and Maturanath we're in the corner of the balcony chanting,I sat close by and also was chanting. The thought of Srila Gurudeva could not leave my mind. I know how much I think of Sri Krishna and Srila Gurudeva, but the thought of Srila Gurudeva was flooding my mind. I told the two godbrothers that I'm going to get Srila Gurudeva from gbc meeting and they both chastised me and said don't bother Srila Gurudeva. The thought of Srila Gurudeva was flooding my mind I was overwhelmed with Srila Gurudev's thought After about 5 to 10 minutes later I could not Waite anymore and informed them I'm going to get Srila Gurudeva. They both disagreed very strongly. I got up to go up the stairs and at the top of the stairs was Srila Gurudeva standing there with all people around him. Immediately I payed full prostrated obeisances. Stood up close to the bottom of the stairs and as Srila Gurudeva was coming down the stairs I exclaimed to him that I was very sorry for not listening to him. I also said that I should of listened to your promptings in my heart to come and get you. This is as tears are rolling down my cheeks.  Śrīla Gurudeva arrived at the bottom of the stairs and I again paid full dandavats put my head on Srila Gurudev's feet and hugged his ankles with my arms. After standing up I again apologized for not listening to his promptings. He stopped and look at me and said very gravely " tomorrow you bring book" I can never correct His Divine Grace but I wanted to tell him this is not my service it's acarya Ratana's service so I didn't speak anything. Can you imagine the protector of Srila Gurudeva nowhere to be seen. I went and stood in front of Srila Gurudev's door to watch who is allowed to or not to enter as I was instructed. About 30 to 40 minutes later Acarya Ratana came. I asked where were you the great protector of Srila Gurudeva??? He told me that he went to eat breakfast and went to his room for a moment and had fallen asleep. Then he woke up in afternoon and came immediately to Srila Gurudev's room.

  So next day I came before Srila Gurudev's GBC meetings were supposed to start. This is not my time slot that I have been assigned but acarya Ratana feel asleep once it could happen again I thought. I arrived about 9:30 am I was standing there in front of door no acarya Ratana. Atma Ram came to the door and asked me where is acarya Ratana I said I don't know maybe he fell asleep. Atma ram said what I said yesterday he fell asleep so today maybe again he fell asleep. Atma ram said nonsense and went inside the room. After Twenty minutes atma ram came to the door again and asked for acarya Ratana I said he has not come yet. Atma ram said you take Srila Gurudeva to GBC meeting. As Srila Gurudeva had instructed me on the previous day I brought the little Bagavad Gita. I never spoke to Srila Gurudeva about having a book like he had instructed me to bring, he knows the heart ❤️ I walked him up the stairs and he spoke to the boys outside the GBC meeting room. They make different drinks for the GBC members. Śrīla Gurudeva refused anything from them. We got to the door and Srila Gurudeva told me to sit here and read. I brought him inside and went back out sitting next to his lotus shoes and started reading. After about 45 minutes the heavy thought of Srila Gurudeva came to my mind. I looked up where Srila Gurudeva was sitting and with his head and neck motioned me to enter. I put the book In my pocket and proceeded to enter the room. I got to Srila Gurudeva and he told me that he was finished with the meeting. Then he whispered that there making vote on sanayasi Im not needed here. So we helped His Divine Grace up and went to door put on his shoes. The boys again tried to get Srila Gurudeva to accept something to drink but he refused. We were all alone at the top of the stairs and I asked Srila Gurudeva "how long will you tolerate these people treating you like this"?. three times I asked no answer first two times then His Divine Grace reply was there voting on sanyasi all nonsense is going on voting on sanayasi all fool's. Then I walked Srila Gurudeva down to his room. I sat against the wall and all three Oriya servants of Srila Gurudeva told me to leave. I gave them all the same answer as i whispered in there ear. You can not tell me to go he is my Guru as much as yours. They all told me to just sit and be quite. As I was sitting there Srila Gurudeva sat in his chair and was chanting. I was glued to looking at His Divine Grace's lotus face whilst chanting. Then he got up to go to restroom. After returning he started reading a letter. It seems as though he didn't read the whole letter and set it down and started to talk. The language I never heard. Not Oriya or Hindi. Just looking straight ahead and talking talking talking. Then he kicked a little waste paper basket and it soun around and around several times before it stopped spinning. Then he opened the curtain very forcefully and continued talking very roughly. Shortly after he again was reading the letter. After ten minutes Srila Gurudeva was chanting again. Then he got up and sat on the corner of his bed. Started to read the letter again with a very disgusted look on his face. Then a knock came on the door. One of the boys answered it and it was a Srila Prabhupad disciple I had preached to in Hawaii that came to bhubaneshwar before we went to mayapur. He came in with another person I don't know who. They paid pranam then sat across from Srila Gurudeva. Then Srila Gurudeva asked how can I help you??? Murari Caitanya was his name replied I just came to see how you are doing. I in my mind said nonsense fool rascal coming here to Srimati Rādhārāṇi's  representative and asking if he is alright. Then after five minutes Srila Gurudeva said I'm very busy please excuse me. Then they left. Śrīla Gurudeva got up after 19 minutes and as he was walking by me very close by made a jester with his arm while opening his hand throwing his arm towards me looking very intently saying nonsense fool rascal. Just the very thought I had when his godbrother asked if he was ok. Then later bhakta Rupa came and spoke with Srila Gurudeva about two woman coming to ask question Srila Gurudeva agreed. So after sometime Srila Gurudeva the three Oriya boys the two woman bhakta Rupa and Rasikananda  we're in front of Srila Gurudeva. The woman asked why Caitanya Mahaprabhu spent his last 18 years in Jagannath Puri????

Then Srila Gurudeva spoke about Krishna in Dwarka. The story is of course very incredible. It was the third time we heard the story. We heard the same story in 1995 in towoco new Jersey you were there as Srila Gurudev's servant. When Srila Gurudeva got to the story when Balaram and Subhadra has come from Dwarka to Brindavan they noticed Srimati Rādhārāṇi in a dying condition. So Subhadra went to whisper in the ear of Srimari Rādhārāṇi Krishna Krishna Krishna Krishna Krishna hey!!! Then she came out from her bav and Srila Gurudeva said immediately she asked where is my prana valaba. Then Krishna came on the chariot as jagganath. Then Srimati Rādhārāṇi told Lalita to go whisper in the ear of Jagannath Radhey Radhey Radhey Radhey Radhey. Then she went whispered in his ear These names and automatically treebanja form came out flute, lotus like eyes, bent in three places. Then Srimati Rādhārāṇi's eyes met Krishna's eyes and there was eye to eye union. As Srila Gurudeva sitting on the corner of his bed said this he was bending over looking at the two woman who asked question why Mahaprabhu spent 18 years in Puri. He went backwards with a very long deep breath and bent back over to the two woman and with an inaudible voice said three times,

please excuse me I can't speak, please excuse me I can't speak, please excuse me I can't speak.

At that time Bhakta Rupa and the two woman were escorted out of the room by Purandara. Then Srila Gurudeva was breathing very heavily. Then we laid him back on the bed and after three minutes he sat up very quickly and called out Gopal Gopal Gopal. At that time I went to get the garland from Srimati Rādhārāṇi's hand on the alter. Came up and there were many people in the room by then. Śrīla Gurudeva was laying back breathing very little. Then the doctors came and after 10 minutes our beloved spiritual Master His Divine Grace Srila Gour Govinda Swami Maharaj had gone into samadhi.

Damini devi dasi's report

Damani came to me one day in Mayapur crying and said Prabhuji I have to talk to you. I said what is wrong??? She explained that the Mataji who writes the events of the GBC's daily activities came to her crying. Then she began to tell how Damani knows she has been writing the minutes for the GBC meetings for many many years. She said to Damani I can no longer hide this. Damani said what are you talking about??? Then she explained how on the day before Srila Gurudev's disappearing that the members of GBC had instructed her to write 'kicking Gour Govinda out of movement' for the next day. Strangely enough after she went the next day after written this on the minutes the previous day all what she had written about Srila Gurudeva was gone. She was shocked to find this. She had kept this inside her for several years but couldn't take keeping it inside. She by the way is no longer a member of Iskcon

I even had an incident in the Brindavan temple restaurant with Madhavananda about I didn't have proof of any GBC member drove Gurudeva out from movement. Then the next year is when Damani came forward with this information.